I have the same story as most of you. I’ve struggled with weight most of my life. I’ve had successful weight loss in the past. But the weight would return (plus a few more) once I got frustrated or just plain tired of the diet. Weight Watchers (4 times), Atkins, Eat to Live, keto, LCHF, LFHC.
The picture above is from around the time of my heaviest. I quit weighing when I hit 230 lbs. I had been dabbling with keto at the end of 2017 and into the beginning of 2018 but only lost 10 lbs and hit a wall. A friend of mine recommended a keto drink supplement that helped her lose some weight. I thought what the hell. I was already miserable so what did I have to lose. Sticking with keto and the drink supplement I was able to lose 50 lbs in 7 months. I plateaued at 180 and thought maybe that was my stopping point. On previous diets, that’s always where I ended up, 180 lbs.
I thought I had reached a good weight. I felt pretty good. Thought I looked pretty good. I went from a 20W to a 14M. Lord knows I was sick of my restrictive eating. But I wasn’t happy. I remembered going to the doctor a few years before. He encouraged me to do WW. I dropped 30 lbs and went back to my doctor for a follow up visit. I was so disappointed when I went back and he said good, so when are you going to lose the rest of your weight? I was so proud of what I had done and was expecting praise. Not realizing it then, but I had given away my power.
Back to the beginning of 2019, weighing 180 lbs. I knew that I wasn’t at the weight I wanted to be. I have always wanted to weigh 150 lbs, but I was too much of a chicken shit to verbalize it because I didn’t think I could do it. Prefailling like a champ. I started to listen to podcasts that focused on mindset and more importantly mindset with food. At first I just listened without really trying anything new. After about 3 months bingeing these podcasts, something finally clicked. I set my goal weight for 150 lbs.
I started to keep a food log and journaling about my bullshit thoughts that kept me stuck. I became mindful of my hunger. I learned to let my body tell me when I should eat and how much to eat. I listened to how my body felt after eating to see which foods made me feel good and which ones made me feel like crap. I learned that I didn’t have to clean my plate and that it was ok to throw food away. I learned to make a 24 hour plan and stick to it. I learned my triggers that would lead to overeats. I learned to not beat myself up if I did have an overeat. I learned that I control how I feel by how I think. I learned that no one can make me feel bad. I learned to love my body, stretch marks, saggy skin, and all. I learned to take a compliment without saying anything but thank you.
While I’m maintaining my weight, I’m still figuring out this new version of myself. Along the way I have come to some conclusions. The new me no longer fears food or sees it as the enemy. The new me is not worried about how long I have to wait until my next meal. The new me watches her thoughts and knows she can change them. The new me doesn’t criticize herself. The new me isn’t worried about gaining the weight back. The new me doesn’t see exercise as punishment. The new me knows my body wants food for nourishment but my brain wants it for entertainment. The new me knows I’m worthy of happiness. The new me wants every woman to feel this fucking amazing.
Are you on your own weight loss journey? Do you need some help getting over your own drama and mental bs? Follow my blog. I’ll be writing about how I lost the mental and physical weight. Reach out to me if you’d like some help.